The Five Languages of Love. What’s Yours?

I had a best friend from my school years, way back to when I was a teen. We hadn’t seen each other for so many years, but always spoke online. She was one of my best friends, and every time we spoke she would always comment about her relationship with her husband, as all friends do. She used to say that she felt like her husband had a different goal in life, a new purpose different than hers. She said that after some years of marriage, he felt different to what he was before. He was impossible to understand at times.

So after hearing that, I remembered about a book I had read a while ago and I recommended it to her. It’s called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman (Moody Press, £10.99). It’s a classic book for couples. It explains what many couples feel but can’t express their feelings.


5 languages of love


According to the writer, each of us speaks one of five different Love Languages: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, or Receiving Gifts. We have a primary and a second Love Language.

We describe how we show and receive our love through the Love Language that we “speak”. All of us have a “Love Tank” and it needs to be filled often.

The feeling of contentment and happiness comes when our other half talks to us in our Love Language, so it instantly fills up our Love Tank. But if for some reason they show their love or affection in other Languages, we don’t resonate with it, so our Tank keeps empty, no matter how wonderful the language has been expressed.

Does that sound familiar? When your partner says or do something nice to you, caring and compassionate, but you still don’t feel truly loved and appreciated?


5 love languages


1. Acts of Service

Forget flowers and jewellery. An Acts of Service person likes to receive presents that lift their mood. If you want to please him/her, say “Let me do that for you” and start cleaning the house, taking the car for a wash, cooking and cleaning the dishes afterwards – of course. This is one of the sexiest things you can do for this type of person. If this is your Language, you probably try to show people you care by helping them out practically. But just bear in mind that if your partner speaks other language, he or she won’t be impressed with this type of attitude and might even feel unromantic.


2. Physical Touch

This isn’t just about what you do under the bedsheets (although that’s a good way of expressing it!). Physical touch can include a massage or cuddles while watching a movie or kisses or holding hands. Physical touchers need the connection to their other half in a physical way. When they’re feeling down, a hug or a kiss will do wonders to their mood and in return will brighten up your interaction with them. If you feel that your partner is a physical toucher, never hold back from touch; maybe even touching them when you two are having a conversation will soothe them and help them listen to you.


3. Words of Affirmation

If this is your Love Language, you’ll always appreciate soothing and lovely phrases, like “I love you”. Praising everything you do will be the best thing your other half needs to do in order to please you. You’ll be reading the text messages that you’ve exchanged days or even weeks before with your partner and you’ll be looking at old pictures just to remember that magic moment you had with him/her. You don’t need love declarations every day, but you do need daily affirmations of tenderness and reassurances about your relationship.


4. Quality Time

These people need undivided attention from their partner. It’s all about how you do it. If you are this sort of person, you will hate when your partner is on the phone, tablet or kindle instead of spending quality time with you. Sometimes you’ll see him/her distracting himself with other technologies around the house and that will make you feel absolutely cranky. The Quality-Time Lover needs a chance to realise that they’re having their partner’s full and undivided attention. If you feel like this, you need to tell your partner that you need some alone time with him/her for half an hour or so, because you need to feel that connection a little bit more. If this is your partner, making sure that no one is around and separating a “just the two of us” time is one of the sexiest things you can do for him/her.


5. Receiving Gifts

The Receiving Gifts lover is the sort of person who gives the highest value about the thoughtfulness behind a gift received. It’s not about the material thing, but the actual sentimental value that that given gift represents to him/her. Thinking about how much work their partner had for just putting the effort to take some hours out of their busy day to pick and choose something just to give them and please them, the Gift-Lover feels really and truly loved. If you forget birthdays or anniversary gifts, this is the sort of thing that would make the Gift-Lover really upset. It’s not about the material thing. If you are having a walk around the park and pick a flower and hand it to them, they probably will think is as memorable as giving them an expensive gift. If this is you, tell your partner all the time how you love receiving gifts (not just material ones but simple ones too, like the flowers). If this is your partner, set timers in your calendar for all those special occasions that you had together but that you don’t remember but you know will make a huge difference for him/her.



What would you do to please your partner? Have you realised what type of lover you are?


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